


The honesty of sleep

by LacrimaLunae



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Minor Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, No Smut, Severus Snape-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 19:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7945918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LacrimaLunae/pseuds/LacrimaLunae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The way Severus sleeps tells more about his state of mind than his waking face ever would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The honesty of sleep

**Author's Note:**

> The inevitable disclaimer: Don't own. Rowling does. I just want to play.

As a child, Severus usually just fell asleep in whichever hiding place he had chosen when Tobias had come home from the pub, biding his time until he hopefully heard nothing but the old man’s drunken snores. He used to sleep under his bed more often than in it. A few times in his wardrobe, a couple of times on the roof – until he was rudely awakened by a crow picking at his bare toes – and once or twice in the empty compartment of the living room sofa. And yes, occasionally, the cupboard below the stairs. What would later become the-boy-who-lived’s prison was his sanctuary, a means to his survival.

As a teen, Severus had learned to sleep lightly, with his wand clutched in his fist, ready to wake at the slightest sound, a hex already on his lips.  
At first he slept on his stomach, his hand and wand hidden beneath his pillow. Until the time it took to wretch his arm free and turn around proved to be too long.  
At seventeen he slept on his back, hands folded on his chest, his wand between them. Like a corpse. Like the corpse of his mother in the crypt behind Spinners End.

At twenty-two, Snape didn’t sleep. He lay on his bed in his corpse-like position and tried to occlude heavily enough that he couldn’t see his own memories anymore.  
When the sleepless nights began to take their toll on his body, he locked his rooms and mind up like a fortress and took a vial of purple ‘Dreamless Sleep’.

With Remus he came alive. The memories were still there, the nightmares still came, but always the gentle warmth of the body next to his chased away the cold in his heart. Remus’ forgiveness and caring, the inherent light of his soul brightened the darkness in Severus’ mind. They always slept touching each other. Whether their bodies entwined – so close, that were it not for their different tones of skin, one could hardly tell, where one ended and the other began – laying pressed side to side or simply brushing a hand or foot against whatever part of the other’s body they could reach, they were always connected. Severus didn’t know what Remus got out of it, but he didn’t question it. He needed the closeness. Remus. His anchor.  
His wand lay on the nightstand.

After Remus, Severus slept curled into a ball, trying to recapture the warmth that had died with Dumbledore.  
He did not take the purple potion, for in his dreams he saw Remus again. The future they’d never had. Only, inevitably, he would reach over and encounter nothing but cold and empty sheets, which awakened him to a cold and empty and dark world.  
His wand was placed in the drawer of the nightstand – a precaution, since the first time he had woken to this despair his magical outburst had destroyed every single piece of glass within his room before he’d even sat up.

As Severus closed his eyes for the final time, he reached out to his side one last time. A moment before he died it almost felt like fingertips were gracing his own.  
In the great hall of Hogwarts lay the bodies of Lupin and Tonks, holding hands. Lupin had been found with his arm outstretched and someone had placed his wife’s hand in his, nobody knowing it hadn’t been her he’d reached for.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea wheter there's a canonical colour for the dreamless sleep potion. I made it purple, cause that's the colour I've mortlyseen on the packaging of calming pills and sleeping aids.


End file.
